I remember what it was like

I was going back through old blog posts, that I never shared... I thought I'd share this one that I wrote January 23, 2012. It's a little more down-in-the-dumps than I currently feel, but I do remember feeling this way, and I'm sure there will days where I these feelings will come back up:

I remember what it was like looking at those young children, sitting with their mom, knowing that those children didn't have a clue that their lives were not "normal".

I remember pitying those poor children who were innocent in the entire thing, yet their entire futures were turned upside down by selfish adults.

I remember thinking, "this will affect those children forever, and they will never be who they could've been."

I remember thinking that those adults should have tried harder, they should have prayed more, read scripture more, spoke more kindly, yelled less.

I remember looking at those poor children and feeling SO incredibly sad on their behalf.

But now I am that mom, alone with my children, and I don't feel that way at all about myself, or about my own kids....

But it's very likely, that the isolation and loneliness that I sometimes feel (usually when I'm PMSing) is due to others thinking those exact same things about myself and my children.

Being judged is the worst.

Being judge and pitied is beyond the worst.

I mostly just zone it out. Because I don't feel that way about myself or my girls.

But sometimes, I let myself process the external, and it makes me realize WHY. Why I am sometimes so alone, and feel so isolated. And I'm not even angry at the people who do it. Because I used to do it.

I understand. It's just the way it is.

I'm not depressed or sad about this. But I just have to remember what I would've thought of the divorced 20-something-year-old with 2 kids. But since I'm her now, I get it. And I totally understand if others don't.