what next??

My dream would be a summer house in Utah and a winter house in Texas. (Except for I'd like to be in Utah for Christmas so there's snow).

I love Utah's four seasons, grass, crisp mornings, temples, things to do nearby, abundance of single guys to choose from... I don't like Utah's 6 months of snow, pollution, schools, huge numbers of Mormon people...

I love Texas's culture, people, clean air, schools. I don't like Texas's hot summers, no snow in winter, the temple's further away, poky grass, fire ants, less single guys to choose from (haha)...

I need to find out how to make this happen.

Or maybe I'll end up going to PT school in Utah like I had originally planned or law school at BYU like I was thinking, or law school at the University of Texas or PT school at Texas State and stay in Texas.

I think this next year I'll start applying all over the place and see where I'm led. I know I'm not done with schooling because I feel like I need more, so now it's time to start figuring out... what next??

unsuccessful

I feel pretty unsuccessful as far as being a single mom goes. I feel like I should have my own place, work full-time, and be "making it" on my own.

If I was married I'd feel very successful in the life I'm living... stay-at-home mom, make meals, clean the house, be strong in the gospel, teach my children, work part-time to supplement income...

I was reading my scriptures the other day and I was reprimanded. I don't know if that's happened very often to me... but for sure, it lit a fire under me to become better and be less complacent.

superstardom...

Holy smokes!

I love playing my guitar!

Why did I ever stop?!

No worries now, I'm on the fast track to guitar superstardom...

haha... not really... but I still <3 my guitar.


Songs currently working on:
"I Won't" - Colbie Caillat
"Realize" - Colbie Caillat
"Never Told You" - Colbie Caillat

You have to be enough on your own.

The basic truth is that I. Love. My. Girls.

So everything I'm about to say is with the background fact that my girls are my everything, and it's not said in anger... it just... is.

I just learned that there's definitely a screwed up perception of dating by single Mormons...

Apparently if you go on one date with someone that takes you off the market for everyone else. This causes guys to not ask girls out because they don't want to sacrifice their chances with every other girl by going on a date with one girl.

So basically, guys don't ask girls on dates because then they can't date.

Confusing? Yes.

A waste of my time? Definitely yes.

I've been thinking a lot about if my "single life" is worth the time, and if maybe I should cut back on the time I spend in my "single life". And now that I know how dating goes in this Texas Mormon world, I'm definitely pushed me in the direction to cut back on the time spent in my "single life".

I love my single friends and I'd do anything for them, but I think I may have to wait out this single-mom-ness alone at home.

My girls will be mine forever. That's the only constant.

So I'm going to slow down this feverish pace I've been keeping to try to go to all the singles things.

I'll still go. But less.

I'm just grateful to have an answer as of where I should be placing my time. It's definitely a relief.

Will I never remarry? Maybe. And if not, I know that I can be happy single.

If you can't be completely happy in your single life, you'll never be completely happy in a married life. You have to be enough on your own.

10 months.

10 months. That's all I really have to say about that because I can't even deal with the fact she's going to be a year old soon.

You:
- Wear size 9 month/12 month clothes
- Wear size 3 diapers
- Wear size 3 shoes
- Took 2 tiny steps on your 10 month birthday
- Can stand up alone for a long time
- Cruise and crawl like crazy
- Get really excited when you see the cat we're babysitting
- Like to dance
- Smile like crazy
- Wake up 1 time a night (if you wake up a 2nd time I let you fuss it out)
- Drink 6 oz bottles and eat real food
- Don't really eat baby food
- Bananas, strawberries, peaches, pears, cherrios, bread, toast, hotdogs
- Can drink out of a sippy cup (you took to this so easily)
- Like to crawl up stairs (but can't get back down)
- Like to eat phones, computer mouses, remote controls
- Like to push the buttons on the DVR and turn off the TV
- Are very bouncy
- Love your sister
- Still squeal like a pterodactyl
- Smile when I take your picture
- Love the Longhorns (at least I'm pretty sure you do)
- Take big girl baths

15 journals

I've always been one to journal. In fact I have written in 15 journals over the 24 years of my life. It's so interesting to go back and see who I used to be, and how much I've grown.

When I go back I can see how much I've changed. Sometimes I'm embarrassed at the things I thought were important to write about (boys, flirting, girlfriends, etc), and other times I'm amazed at my spiritual strength at a young age.

I want to start randomly sharing some things I wrote back in the day... stay tuned :)

My two lives.

My two lives.

I have my "mommy life", which is the life I'm in most of the time. All day long, late at night, in the middle of the night, early mornings... I am a mommy. I clean, change diapers, wipe bottoms, make meals, clean up meals, do laundry, run errands, do activities, play, sing, dance....

I also have my "single life", which is the life I'm in here and there. In the evenings, once the girls are in bed, I'm free to go out and be a 24-year old single lady. <Thanks to my mother> :) I feel like I get to live the 20-something single life that I never had because I got married at 20.

For me, being single the second time is WAY better than being single the first time! I have a clearer view of who I am, what I want, and what's important. I am able to be completely, fully, 100% me.

But sometimes I'm worried that it might be a waste. Like I could be at home and reading something to better myself, cleaning, working out, or building my business instead of living a "single life"

I hope someday I wake up and KNOW that this "single life" was worth it, because I know the "mommy life" definitely is. :)

In my "single life" I don't escape being a "mom," and I would never want to. My single friends know that I'm a mom, and I think about my girls a lot when I'm away from them.

I'm a "single mom" to the fullest... and I'm blessed to be "single" and to be a "mom" and to fully fill both of those roles.

Winning season ahead?

UT 17; BYU 16

McCoy will now be the starting quarterback.

Sweetness.

Winning season ahead?

Yes, please.

I also don't mind BYU football players. We can hang out anytime.

<3 Heather

I'm going to

I'm going to write a book.

There... I said it. Now I can't back out.

<3 Heather

--then peace comes.

2 Samuel 22:31-33
"31 As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is tried: he is a buckler to all them that trust in him.
32 For who is God, save the Lord? and who is a rock, save our God?
33 God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect"

"Set clear and specific goals. When you set a goal and when you commit yourself to... reach that goal, you will eliminate most of the problems in your life. Spend your energies doing those things that will make a difference. Then you can become what you think about... If you just have the simple faith that God is in his heaven and he is your Heavenly Father an he does know that you are here and he does love you--and that Jesus is the Christ, that he is your Savior, that he is your Redeemer, and that you love him with all your heart and are going to do all you can to keep his commandments--then peace comes."

- Elder M. Russell Ballard